“If a bitch is someone who doesn’t know how to kiss and is still a virgin, I’m a bitch then! And I am proud to be one. How about you, are you one of us?”

Deci once advised May-ann to say this line if someone says she’s a BEEYATCH…

BITCH – this is word is given to a girl to degrade her or destroy her reputation to all the people who particularly know her. However, some may take this as a compliment because for some, a “BITCH” is someone who is palaban and would fight for what she believes in. So to make things clear, I would like to share to you my knowledge about the three kinds of bitches so that when you use the word again, the person who receives it wouldn’t get the idea the wrong way you intend it to be…

Let’s start first with the “FIRST CLASS BITCHES”. These are the kind of bitches whose brain is bigger than their boobs. They are smart, talented, and very professional. SMART, because, instead of asking the guy to wear condom, she rather take pill so that the guy will be fully satisfied during SEX, after all, abortion no not a problem and if everything fails, she can support naman her child kung papalya ang pills.. TALENTED because she’s an expert with regard to the correct positioning of her legs when the guy is over her. She is the one who’s in control during blowjobs and thinks that SEMEN is SWEET. She knows a lot of things and is willing to share it to others through FHM and other sex-oriented magazine in the market. AND PROFESSIONAL because a-one-night-stand is a-one-night-stand for her. The passion ends after that night and there will be no continuation [well if you know what I mean!]. When she got pregnant by mistake, NUPTIAL is never an answer for her.

So to cut is short, being a FIRST CLASS BITCH is an honor. And note: She’s very choosy when it comes to the person to have sex with.

How to use it:

Kaaway na Girl: Okay, will you please stop tailing with my boyfriend?

You: I am not tailing with your boyfriend, he’s the one who’s doing it to me.

Kaaway na Girl: BITCH!

You: At least I am a First Class Bitch! [then you give her insult like: Please excuse me coz I don’t want to waste my precious time to the worst slut in town.] You can have the whole of him, I am not interested to that fuckin faggot. [then deviously laugh]

Typical Example:
Asia Agcaoilli and those who submits their story at FHM.

Second is the “MIDDLE CLASS BEEYATCH!”. These are the kind of bitches whose boobs is as big as their brain. In short, they are the AVERAGE SHITTERS. When it comes to real-life-enduring actions on the bed, she lets the guy take over. She follows on every order she hears from her MASTER.

i.e. In a blow job scene:

Guy: Tang ina lalabas na!
Girl: CHUP CHUP CHUP!
Guy: [Nilabasan]
Girl: Yuck!
Guy: Lunukin mo!
Girl: Yes MASTER [kahit maduwal-duwal].

She’s not that intelligent but she’s wise. She asks the guy to wear condom [which doesn’t make a sense naman kasi the guy will eventually remove the plastic tube when she’s already loosing control] for safety measures. When she got pregnant by mistake, she’ll simply cry in front of the guy and will say, “How are we going to solve this? We need to be marriage.”

For her, nuptial is the only answer to protect herself from shesmiss. Moreover, she’s not that choosy. Para sa kanya, basta titi masarap! Yung mga mayayaman na Middle class bitches likes doing it with mayayaman na kalbos pero mapapangit. Nyhahahahahaha!

How to use it:

Kaaway na girl: You’re such a bitch! Layuan mo ang jowa ko!

You: A bitch? I am no a bitch, I am a middle class bitch! Sorry but I won’t stoop to your level because you are far worse than a slut or any other common prosty and whores.

Typical Example:
Katrina Halili (needs to level-up to be a first class bitch), Alexandra de Rossi, and other bungangeras sa TV.

Third and lastly are the COMMON BIATCH! Yes! Pokpok, posty, prostitute, malandi, malantod, malantutay, and etc. 70% of they do sex for a living and the remaining is for past time or simply hubby. The reason why they are called like this is because they would simply say yes when a guy asks them to do it with him – like a female dog (bitch), and a female horse (whore).

They don’t ask their partner to wear condom because actually, they weren’t given the chance to ask because most of the time, they are not prepared because I happens in an unexpected time.

How to use it:

Kaaway: Thank you for calling me a bitch, I take it as a compliment.

You: Point of order, I said, COMMON BITCH…in short, pokpok ka! And if you don’t know that, better get this knife and slash your wrist.

Typical example;
MALU FERNANDEZ (well, only stupid people doesn’t they are stupid, right?) and Regine Velasquez (sorry for those who idolize her! I just want to include her here because she’s a man-stealer and life-wrecker).

So there you go. Those are the kinds of bitches. So the next time around, don’t just use the plain word “bitch” because sometimes, you need to incorporate other words to add power to your insulting words.

So where do you belong? Oh fuck it, just enjoy it!